Sunday, May 15, 2005
Last night my emotions took a drastic turn. From happy to empty. On saying that, I am very sorry to those who were affected by my oh-so-ever-changing-without-a-notice moodswing. Hehe.. I feel somewhat better. Still empty but better. Thanx to those who tried cheering me up especially you. Thank you.
Last night I continued cleaning up my room. Although I'm not done yet, at least I've done most. Hehe... And I assume that my bedtime is being shifted to an earlier time, as I keep falling asleep on my half-cleared bed. Haha.. The other half is still messy with my unfinished donno-where-to-put-you-yet items. Hehe.. Or maybe it was simply a question of tiredness? Or maybe being too comfy while watching telly?.. Oh well..
This morning, I continued with the cleaning bit. Well, to be more precise, I was discarding useless stationeries and rearranging the items on my desk. I still can't figure out how to keep all these dangly wires neat though. Hmmm...
Oh, question, does anybody here know of whether it's safe to walk alone at Tasek Lama?? I asked a friend already, but I'm kinda hoping that there's another answer to that question. I feel like I need to take walks now and then. Alone. Reasons: One, I don't want to bother anyone with my useless activities and secondly, I just think I need to learn to be alone. Not that I've never been alone. It's just that... sometimes you need to be sad in order to be happy. I know this sounds like B*** S*** or maybe even the words of a pathetic loser who doesn't want to admit to herself that she's in need of company, or just trying to be in grief when she doesn't have to. I know. Those might even be the reasons actually. Who knows. I don't know my true feelings. But I do know that that is something I want to do. Well, if it's not safe, I'll just think of an alternative, which I will hopefully not disclose to anyone just so that I'll really be lonely. Pathetic me. I know.
Moving on, well, I washed the car awhile ago leaving my palm all wrinkly. And I placed my old magazines and novels in the store. And I am currently trying to do myself a new layout. Unfortunately, I have no idea where to start. All I need at the moment, are, the size (in pixels) for each part of the layout. Can anyone help me? I'll do the adobe photoshop thing myself. Hopefully. Hehe..
Tomorrow, I will be back at school, surrounded by people in uniforms. I'm going to St. Andrews tomorrow. Although I'm quite excited to go on this, what I like to call adventure, instead of observation, I'm kinda freaking out as well. Cause you see, those who are usually excited of something usually gets disappointed. So, I'm kinda already expecting the worst here. But I hope my observation will run smoothly there.
Anyhow, this afternoon I made a poem calledAs of today
As of today,
There will be no more me.
As of today,
I will disappear from your life,
My very existence will live only in your memory.
As of today,
I do not know you,
And nor do you.
As of today,
I will be transformed,
Never to return to the old me.
As of today,
Should we meet again,
You will only see the new me,
And not the one that you've once known.
As of today,
I bury my memories with you,
Along with the spirit of the old me,
Whom I've chosen to leave behind.
As of today,
My tears will stop rolling for you.
-Atul5353
You know, I had a thought before making this poem. What will happen if I suddenly drop out of sight? What will happen if no one knows where I am? Too drastic. How about, if I suddenly changed? If I suddenly stop being friends with people? If I suddenly commit to a life more preserved? And while washing the car, I had the thought that maybe one has many friends because one needs a large number of friends to make one happy. Those who have little number of friends have much more self-reassurance that they don't need people to reassure them, that they are happy, and that they shouldn't worry. Cause as we all know, nothing good can come from worrying (too much).
I don't really know the reason to my blabbering today, but I hope this will enlighten you in some ways.
On a different note, well tonight will be my telly night. The kumars, malcolm in the middle...is that all? oh well...I'll jus watch one of the dvds that I've borrowed from my sis, or, the old season of charmed.
My palm (does that include fingers?) and my fingers are so wrinkly and soooo not soft. I'm not liking this. Im bushed. I keep getting dizzy after standing up from sitting ofcourse. Duh! Well, I meant the not-chair sitting but the.. I can't seem to find the word. Anyhow, I probably made such a fast attempt to stand up that I got dizzy. Hmm.. I'm beginning to believe that I'm not healthy, which is another reason why I need to do routine walks, without company so that I won't have to keep up with anyone. Hehe... cheeky, aren't I? hehe..
Well, I guess that's all for now. I hope all of you will be facing a nice life ahead of you. Which btw, just one last thing, I had a thought while washing the car. Sometimes, don't you just wish that you can be happy all the time? But then again, you'd be envious of those who would be all sad. Maybe because of the attention thay have, or maybe because, you just need to sometimes feel sad. Oh c***! I'm talking nonsense again. Oh wait, maybe it's just that things have to fair. Oh, don't mind me. My mind is drawing [insert proper word].
Oh if you're wondering why I'm putting astrix all over, it's because I'm still trying to not curse anymore. However, as you can see, I just couldn't resist. So, putting on astrixes will at least, erm, somewhat, hide my swearings. Hehe..
Goodbye everyone.
Atul's the name. 26th October 1984. 5353/53 = fave number. Reason = pops up everywhere, uninvited but very much welcomed. I love :
Family & Friends,
Bugging my friends,
My cozy room,
*Hugs*,
Driving (to an extent),
Watching DvDs,
Korean Movies,
Listening to 'soft' songs,
My laptop,
Internet,
Blogging,
My car,
My phone,
Food!!!
And I loathe:
Backstabbers & Liars.
More of me? Visit my photoalbum.
More of me on friendster.
e-mail? More? View my complete profile.
Current Mood
Upcoming Events
Wishlist
Great Friends |
More Great Friends |
Car!!!|
O2 xdaIIs!!! |
Digital camera |
i-pod + i-trip |
New bed sheets |
Bowling ball |
Refurbish my room |
Digital watch |
Travel lots |
Visit Exotic countries |
Go to the spa |
Do something with my hair |
Hang out with friends more |
Design new web layout for myself |
Go on a helicopter ride |
Achieve a good class degree! |
Take my masters! |
Make ppl smile :)!
Holler away!
Link?
Fellow Bloggers
::Ammar:: ::Dawn:: ::Diana:: ::Empresso:: ::Feefs(arts page):: ::Fiz:: ::GdahGmie:: ::GuRLz:: ::Hellmay:: ::Hotdamn:: ::Insomniac:: ::Junaidix:: ::Kurt:: ::Lilac:: ::Lish:: ::Lorene:: ::Lu:: ::Max:: ::Missy156:: ::Mizi:: ::Mypapit:: ::Nz:: ::Poppy:: ::Potty:: ::RinaRoses:: ::Rosie:: ::Ryiana:: ::R3v3rse:: ::Seven Stars:: ::Silmi:: ::Sitiiii:: ::Teddy:: ::Weed:: ::Yazmyn::
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
Bloggers' Birthdays
Ur linked to me and wanna add ur bday here? Just leave me a message.
JanuaryPast
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
The Layout
Designed by: Atul5353
Program Used: Paintshop Pro 8
Theme: Colourful stripes and yet, simple.
Best view: 1024x768 Resolution.
Credits and counters
